It was an epic battle of man versus beast Saturday night at the Merrell compound. A wild animal infiltrated and took up position in our garage.

Notice the crazed look of the maniacal possum as it lurks in the shadows.

I was not home when the intruder set up shop in our garage. My wife and son tried several methods to dispel the creature, among those methods:

  • Shrieking and shouting at the beast
  • A few well-placed shots from a BB gun
  • More shrieking and shouting
  • Unleashing our mutt on the varmint (the dog never moved, unless you include his tail wagging)

Realizing that they were overmatched, my wife chose the proper avenue to get rid of this marsupial monster. She called the hunter/gatherer of the house...her husband...me. I was about 30 miles away, but in that ride home I tried to come up with the best plan to rid us of the beast. I reflected upon my experiences that I had years before concerning hunting and trapping dangerous critters. Yes...I drew upon my memories of watching the coyote trying to capture the roadrunner.

I knew we didn't have any dynamite at the house, nor any boulders twice my size, and I remember running out of all products labeled 'Acme'. So, it was on to plan B, and I knew what had to happen.

When I arrived home, I surveyed the situation. Sure enough, our evil friend was still dug into the same fortress as pictured above. He looked desperate and crazed, and even hissed at me...and don't these things carry rabies? Or maybe worse, perhaps this possum was a stowaway from a jet that traveled from Liberia to Houston Intercontinental.

I had no choice, the objective was clear.

I prepared my weapon and readied my ammo. I chose my line of fire so as not to damage anything in the garage nor harm any of our pets in the possible fallout. I fixed an icy stare on the target and slowly pulled back on the trigger. And....BOOM! Perfect shot right to the face of the beast!

I am so thankful that when I was at Lowe's a few days before, I decided to spend the extra money and get the nozzle gun that had 10 different settings, including high pressure jet stream. From 18 feet away, that possum never had a chance when the wall of water flooded his nostrils. He scurried away and I pursued him, all the while laying out a line of water that would make a firefighter jealous.

What a rush! In just a matter of seconds, I brought an end to a siege that had lasted over 145 minutes. I was the victor. I defeated the beast. Let this be a warning to all creatures of the night, from millipedes to moles and even those darn frogs that stick to the windows, I am the protector of this house and I will stop at nothing to defend it.

I fired a blast of water into the moonlit night sky. It was a good night.