Men don’t communicate. We talk.

There was a book out several years ago called 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.' The women in this country were reading it and discussions about the book’s contents ran rampant in break rooms, Jane Fonda workout centers and at Trivial Pursuit parties.

Since I primarily resided on the planet Mars at that time, I had not heard of it until one day my wife brought it home and insisted I put down my beer and TV remote and read it.

The gist of the book was that men and women don’t speak the same language.

I kicked myself for not being the guy who had the idea to state the obvious in a book with a catchy title and sell millions of copies of it to women.

That would have given me plenty of money for a higher quality beer and a much better TV remote.

I also wanted to find the guy who wrote the book and force him to eat vegetarian quiche in a biker bar.

Thanks to him, suddenly, women across America expected their husbands to want to communicate.

Men don’t mind talking, but we stink at communicating.

The book got a lot of publicity, but it changed little, other than to inspire men to create what we now call Man Caves.

Fast forward to the present.

Men still communicate the same way now that we did then. It is done through a series of words that make us sound like we’re engaged in the conversation.

At the risk of joining the book author at the quiche table in a biker bar, I’m about to reveal some, but not all of the words men respond with to make it sound like we’re communicating:

  • 1) I see.
  • 2) You’re kidding.
  • 3) Wow.
  • 4) Uh-huh.
  • 5) No doubt.
  • 6) OK.

And the most important thing to say when you become aware that the first six aren’t working: “Yes, I’m listening.”

The thing is, ladies, men have the IQ of a softball; so communicating just isn’t our thing. But, if you bring home some imported beer and a TV remote that operates ALL of our electronics? Hey, then we can talk.