Please, Respect Your Sandwich

A knife should never come near a sandwich.

It irks me whenever a restaurant takes it upon itself to slice my sandwich or hamburger before they deliver it to my table. Or worse, when they stab a knife through the top of my burger and leave it there. It makes me think the chicken or cow wasn’t completely dead before he made it onto the bun.

I support the notion that you leave a sandwich whole, take the first bite at the top right corner and then work your way down to the bottom right corner.

That lets the sandwich know that you cared enough to spend some quality time with every inch and savored it instead of severing it.

I’ve never understood the reasoning behind slicing a sandwich into two pieces unless you’re stretching your food dollar by eating one side now and the other later, you’re splitting it between two kids or you just like triangles.

Then, there are the people who trim the crust off of bread. What do they have against bread crust? I’m guessing they are the same ones who eat everything on the pizza except for the crust.

Crust haters. That’s what they are.

On rare occasion, I’ve witnessed those who slice their sandwiches vertically. At least if you cut a sandwich diagonally, the triangle sandwich has crusty corners to hold in the contents during consumption. Unlike rectangular sandwich halves, which will eject their contents into your lap in retaliation for being knifed.

A sandwich is more than just two starch planks that deliver members of your favorite food groups. A sandwich is the basic fallback meal for when you don’t want to cook, can’t find any leftovers or don’t want to get out and hit the drive-thru.

So, please, respect the sandwich. And don’t be a crust hater.