Each week my good friend Rita Ballou takes the time to collect the wittiest, most topical and random tweets from the Texas scene. Then after she gathers them, I steal ‘em. So please reward my laziness by checking out This Week in Texas + Red Dirt Tweets.

@hayescarll: Just got my tooth knocked out by a softball. It wasn’t soft.

@NotKennyRogers: Every time an American celebrity names their child after a fruit, a 4th grader in China learns Calculus.

@joshabbottband: It bothers me that there isn’t a deer emoticon #hunteriphoneproblems

@rrbchoir: Just shook a man’s hand at the airport that survived Iwo Jima. Puts all things in perspective. God bless this great country.

@BillyBobsTexas: @WadeBowen called in a favor and brought a very special guest to his show tonight.

@NotBurtReynolds: If you’re really living, you don’t have time to make a “bucket list”. I just had sex in the middle of a bowling alley on league night.

@ryanbeaver: Is this really necessary America? Enchilada Supreme??

@GrangerSmith: Here’s our typical early Sunday morning.

@NotJakeOwen: Hey Jason, she may be country but she ain’t your wife.

@BleuEdmondson: Saw a girl in Wal Mart wearing one of my shirts. I passed her and said nice shirt. She looked at me like a perv. #musthavebeenagift

@gettinsweenered: Sometimes I wonder how men can compartmentalize. I prefer to departmentstorealize. Works for me.