We all know that here in Texas, we're truly blessed when it comes to food.

Since moving to The Lone Star state, I can personally attest to the fact that a swimmer's body is nearly impossible to maintain. After all, I used to be svelte once.

Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

See? Prior to the pandemania, I was a reasonably fit, non-blob of a man. At 6'1", 176 pounds is a pretty good, healthy weight.

So, what happened?


Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

TEXAS. Texas is what happened. I've gone from a 34 to a 36-inch waist and have gained upwards of 30 pounds in my time as a Texas resident.

Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

This was taken before Christmas while visiting family on the West Coast. So you can imagine the damage that I've done since then, with the holidays and the pandemic still raging like a mesquite-fueled fire underneath a beautiful succulent ribeye.

What? Oh, I'm sorry, I started to dream about food again. My bad.

This weekend, the battle between my health and my happiness reached a crescendo when I stopped by a major retailer and paused at the prospect of buying a bathroom scale of my own so that I could continue to monitor my progress as a fat ass.  I thought about it, and decided that I would wait and see if I could find one at a better price. After a moment, I had forgotten all about that purchase.

At my next stop, I saw the nemesis of the bathroom scale:

Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

Darn right. A full-size kettle drum grill. I immediately began to mentally configure my backyard in order to accommodate Grillus Maximus and stated planning my first solo cookout.

Then, suddenly, I thought about the scale again.

Did I really want to make the effort to get healthy and lose weight? The prospect of grilling many different animals was very tempting, but I knew that I would pay for it later. Was I really strong enough to pass up the rusty grill bucket on wheels in order to more effectively monitor my physical well-being? My mind was a torrent of conflict, as I carefully plotted the best course of mental and physical happiness.

I'm picking up that grill on Saturday.

God Bless Texas.

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