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Guys Need to Pick Up Some New Pick-Up Lines

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Men have tried to woo women with clever pick-up lines for millenia. Guys will say whatever it takes to garner the affection of a lovely woman, and clever lines give an advantage to those of us who don’t look like Sam Elliott.

Even though Eve was the only woman around, I’m guessing that Adam still had to use the same tactics that men use today to convince Eve that he was the right man for her.

I suspect it went something like this:

Adam: “So, you come here often?”

Eve: “Buzz off.”

Adam: “You know, I know the manager here. I’m pretty sure I get get us reservations for dinner tonight.”

Eve: “Why should I go out with you?”

Adam: “Because you look tired.”

Eve: “Tired? I do?”

Adam: “Yes. It’s probably from being up all night running through my dreams.”

Eve: “Oh, Adam! Here, have half my apple!”

Men today can still use pick-up lines successfully, but I encourage discretion. Some will get you a girl, others will get you a left hook.

The following are lines I recommend avoiding:

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put “U” and “I” together.”
“Do you have a map on you? Because, I’m lost in your eyes.”
“I’ve lost my Teddy Bear. Can I snuggle with you?”
“Do you believe in love at first sight? If not, I can walk by again.”
“If I could put you into words, you’d be the fine print.”
“You bear an uncanny resemblance to my next girlfriend.”

There are some lines that I, and others who share my lack of resemblence to Sam Elliott, have used with some success. Fellas, feel free to try these:

“It just seems so cruel to inherit $100 million right after discovering that I don’t have much longer to live.”
“Excuse me, could you help me find Neiman Marcus? I got this gift card for Christmas from my uncle, Bill Gates, and I have no idea what to buy.”
“Pardon me, have you seen my seeing eye dog?”

And the one one that seemed to work best for me:

“Anyone here desperate? I just got paid and I have cash.”

Pick-up lines are only necessary when being yourself doesn’t work. Fortunately, I haven’t needed to use a line in 20 years to try and get a woman’s attention.

I’m lucky enough to have spent the past two decades with a woman that, somehow, someone else didn’t grab off the market before I had the chance to meet and marry her.

All I had to do was ask her out, and she said ‘yes’. Some of us are just lucky that way.

However, if she ever comes to her senses and runs off with Sam Elliott, I figure I’ll need your help with some new lines.

Work on that for me, will ya? Just in case.

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