Florida Zombie Attack — Cops Find Naked Man Gnawing on Victim’s Face

We’ve known for a while now that a zombie attack would soon be upon us. How we could not? There have simply been way too many signs — Bill Clinton openly partying with porn stars instead of in the privacy of his own home (just kidding, there’s no proof… yet), women are taking naked strolls through stores, and, probably the biggest hint of them all, the Hannibal Lecter-style Florida zombie attack.

Miami cops stumbled upon the latter this weekend, but the story gets a tad bit weirder than that.

Witnesses, including a road ranger, reportedly came across a naked man gnawing on another guy’s face, although neither seemed to be displaying any symptoms of a cannibalistic disease. When the attacker refused to back down, the ranger on scene had no choice but to bring him down Chuck Norris style. The photo on the left is of the suspect, Rudy Eugene. The photo on the right is just some cool zombie we found in stock photos.

While the real-life zombie’s victim suffered critical injuries (i.e. half his face was chewed off), he was rushed to the hospital and will not be turning into a member of the walking dead. Though, now that we have somewhat-decent evidence supporting our original fears, we think it’s time to purchase one of those zombie targets.

Check out the very graphic video below. You’ve been warned.