At first glance, TikTok may not be the place you would visit for relationship advice. The two don’t seem to coincide. That said, last night I was scrolling through TikTok for an undetermined amount of time and found that there was surprisingly interesting and beneficial relationship advice on there.

First, there are some adorable couples that we don’t need to compare ourselves to… so keep that in mind, but for real, there are some wise folks that have taken to TikTok to share some guidance with us all.

Take Abraham Piper for example, he shares some research findings from Psychologist John Gottman and a study that he had done with couples. He set up a lab to look like a cozy bed and breakfast and observed couples interacting with each other to chart their behavior.

He found one particular behavior that allowed him to predict with 94% accuracy whether or not a couple would stay together. When one partner says, “Oh, that’s a beautiful bird outside.” Does the other partner respond with something like, “wow that is beautiful,” or do they blow their partner off and ignore the bird.

Small moments like this can pile up over time increasing their significance. Gottman termed these interactions, “bids.” When asking for a small connection, how does the partner respond? He discovered that couples that would later split up, would only turn toward each other 33% of the time. The couples that made it, at least through the years of the study, turned to each other nine out of 10 times.

So when your partner comments on the bird… you guessed it, turn toward them and acknowledge the bird.

But wait there’s more. We now know we need to acknowledge when our partner shares something with us, so what should we NOT do?

This TikTok user calls himself the angry therapist and shares the number one thing that ruins relationships. The answer might surprise you.

 

That’s right. It’s resentment, and it can totally sneak up on you. He callsl it the biggest crowbar that will split you and your partner. It’s typically the little things that you don’t mention that add up, come back to bite you.

So how do you create a real depth of love? Kerwin Rae may have the answer. Be present and let your partner just let it out. Food for thought, right?

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