Big, Ugly, Stinky, Monstrous Cicadas Expected To Move To Texas
Ew, the cicadas are coming.
I couldn't tell you what a cicada looks like, even though there were plenty of them roaming free in Nashville, Tennessee, where I was born in raised. Every few some odd years we'd get cicadas showing up and raising a ruckus and annoying the you-know-what (I can say "CRAP") out of everybody. Cicadas are loud, gross, scary-looking! What was it like, every 13 years? Those critters would crawl up through the ground and have a big old party at our expense. They put the creep in creepy-looking.
They are about as long as your pinky finger, they're camouflage green with beady orange eyeballs. They show up, party like the band LMFAO, eat up all the crops, leave a trashy mess (of leaf pieces), and then they bounce (meaning they leave the scene), but I bet you they probably know how to actually bounce, too! Cicadas are a hot mess. If you have a favorite plant, you better lock it up inside your house because I'm telling you, these cicadas did not come here to play any games with us humans. Consider all your leaves GONE once the cicadas arrive. I'm just saying.
Every time I think of a cicada, I think of those big, ugly ones from A Bug's Life. (Narrator: those were Grasshoppers in A Bug's Life, not cicadas.) I'm telling you, those cicadas in A Bug's Life were so mean and bullied those little ants around and made them gather all the food so they could fly in and take it. Jerks.
They're headed here in May. You have exactly 3 whole months to move in with your play cousins in Louisiana, at least for six weeks until the cicadas finally go away!
At least they don't bite!