This is going to be big news for Lubbock.

Close your eyes for a second and imagine where Bigfoot might live. I'm betting you came up with a heavily wooded area, probably on the West Coast. Here's a question for you dreamers: why?

I was watching a TV show and they referred to someplace in the Pacific Northwest as being more "squatchy." My response is, 'that's not a thing.' In order for one place to have more Bigfoot, you have to have at least one Bigfoot. So far, no one has one, so technically no place is more Skunk Ape-y than the next.

This leads me to the conclusion that there are just as many Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) in my bathroom as there is anywhere. Taking the next step, if I have as many of these beasts as they have anywhere, then Lubbock can make a rightful claim to be the Bigfoot Capitol of the World.

So what are we going to do now that we're the Bigfoot Capitol of the World? First off, Raider Red is gone and will be replaced by The Tech Yeti, which also has enormous sponsorship opportunities. In addition, I hate to tell you this, but the Buddy Holly statue is about to get a lot furrier. The critters at Prairie Dog Town will get an eviction notice because it will now be Bigfoot Country.

All of this because I chose to make my bathroom home for the invisible North America Apeman. You're welcome, Lubbock.

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