Ahh, dumb crooks. I so heart them. They try their hardest to be Mr. Bada$$ but fail so miserably as we laugh along at their failure. This week's dumb crook comes to us from one of our favorite summer time destinations, New Braunfels. This story involves 21-year-old Austin Graham Neely and his attempt at a night of debauchery that ended with him getting beat up and arrested.

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So, Mr. Austin Graham Neely decided on Saturday, March 26 to head out for a night of crime. First, he broke into a home and allegedly took the keys to what we can assume is the homeowners Nissan Maxima. Mr. Neely must have thought he was in a real life Grand Theft Auto game because of the damage he caused to the vehicle driving to Buc-ee's in New Braunfels. The damage was so bad that the car became undriveable.

Neely then hopped into a Mazda that was running and had the owner of the vehicle standing beside it. For some reason, Neely couldn't disengage the e-brake and exited the vehicle. The owner of the Mazda called police.

This failed attempt made Mr. Neely thirsty so he entered the Buc-ee's and proceeded to take two energy drinks (gotta keep that stamina up for all these hijinks) and a carbonated beverage. He attempted to leave the store without paying while also trying to steal a set of keys from a gentlemen's pocket that were halfway hanging out. The keys fell to the floor where Neely came away with them in a scrum.

Mr. Neely then ran to a Chevrolet truck sitting at a gas pump and hopped in. The owner of the truck was able to follow and jumped into the passenger seat. Fisticuffs ensued inside of the truck's cab. Somehow, Neely is able to get the truck into reverse and backs into another vehicle behind them. The truck's owner is able to subdue Neely until police arrive.

Mr. Neely was not done with his criminal ways after arriving at police headquarters. While he was being interviewed, Neely assaulted an officer.

Poor Mr. Neely was booked into the Comal County Jail with bonds totaling $45,000.

Comal County Jail
Comal County Jail

Neely's crime spree netted him three unauthorized use of a vehicle charges, one robbery charge, one burglary of a habitation charge and one assault of a peace officer charge.

Congratulations to Austin Graham Neely for becoming our Dumb Crook of the Week and giving us a good laugh at his attempt at a real life mission for the upcoming Grand Theft Auto VI.

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