I know everybody is gassed up about Christmas but can we get to the bird first? I know I sound "bah-humbugish" but I can't convert into Christmas mode until we have Thanksgiving dinner first and even then, I have a few demands.

I'm a very simple person, I don't ask for much for Thanksgiving other than a bowl of gumbo and a moist turkey. But I'm open to try other things, BUT the following items on this list you can keep to yourself, I don't WANT IT. You can agree with me or you can disagree with me, that's fine, but if you invite me over for your Thanksgiving dinner, don't be shocked if I respectfully decline your offers of the following food items:

 

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    1

    Chitterlings

    NOPE. NOPE NOPE. There's only one correct way to prepare and eat chitterlings.

    1. Pull them out of the fridge.

    2. Throw them directly into the nearest trash can.

    The End.

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    2

    Green Bean Casserole

    Just the LOOK of Green Bean Casserole makes my stomach hurt. I mean look at it. Green beans by themselves is fine but who thought "Lets put it in a casserole". YIKES.

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    3

    Anything VEGAN

    I get the "Go vegan" phenomenon, that's cool, but some of us aren't ready to convert to your religion yet so give me REAL meat. But look at this photo below, looks like an amazing pulled pork sandwich right? WRONG! Its "pulled jackfruit". Imagine your anger when you have your mouth ready for delicious pork and its VEGGIES.

    Avoid a potential family riot and be sure to ANNOUNCE your VEGAN dishes so I don't bite into something that resembles a fried napkin.

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    4

    Cranberry Sauce

    Be honest, you wouldn't touch this stuff any other time of the year, SUDDENLY for one day only you "crave" it? That's Cranberry Sauce in essence.

    A survey of Instacart customers in 2019 found that cranberry sauce was the MOST DISLIKED THANKSGIVING FOOD THAT PEOPLE SECRETLY EAT ANYWAY. 

    Why subject yourself to such punishment?

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    5

    Pumpkin/Sweet Potato Pie

    I've evolved to the point where I can tolerate "Sweet potatoes" in some form except pie. NOPE. Same goes with pumpkin pie too. I'll take some Blue Bell ice cream for dessert instead but keep the pies off my plate.